Friday, April 10, 2020

My First Passover Seder

Even though I've learned about Passover, I had never been to a Seder. This week, I attended one for the first time with Jessica’s family. Unfortunately, we had to do a virtual Seder, but I definitely feel blessed to have technologies that keep us connected to people during these tough times.

Chag Sameach

Passover observance includes “post trauma rituals”. They began at some point following the initial traumatic experience of slavery, and predate many of the modern struggles of the Jewish people. I find myself barely able to articulate the “warm and fuzzy” feeling I have when thinking about the the words of the Seder and also my own family/people’s history with slavery, discrimination, persecution and displacement. My first Seder experience left me feeling very Haitian - but I discovered a side of my "Haitian-ness" that I was not aware of - what it means to be Haitian, enslaved, discriminated against, persecuted and displaced IN THE PAST. Passover Seder is a religious and cultural ritual, but it is also a way to deal with trauma that allows that trauma to become a foundational part of a positive identity for another generation of Jews. The Passover Seder tradition demands that each generation of Jews be taught and to remember that: “we used to be slaves, but now we are free”. The simple acknowledgement, affirmation and remembrance of freedom is empowering and carries the mind through present difficulties and prepares it for whats to come.

I personally am not directly impacted by a military conflict nor am I enslaved today for my ethnicity or race, like past generations before me had been, but:

  1. discrimination and ethnic/racial bias still runs rampant in the world and because of this,
  2. there is a “war / conflict" still being waged in my mind that carries with it the emotional pain and suffering of war and conflict.
As a Haitian American, it is helpful to see cultural tradition that helps an entire community view a past trauma as past and brings them together, even in the face of current and future struggles.

Listen to Ambitionz Az a Ridah by Tupac.
To me (and I assume many) this is poetry describing
the duality of "living in peace" while "feeling at war"

I’ve learned that how well or poorly one deals with emotional pain and suffering can have a generational impact and I think my family has suffered from this. During the Seder, for the first time, I felt an emotion that seems to frame my people's enslavement as a past experience. The Seder ritual recalled an historical period that was one of the many traumatic experiences in Jewish history, but allowed for remembrance and dialogue to be done in an intimate and safe place of peace, love, community and family.

Jess had a similar experience, when she visited Haiti with me in January 2019 and we went to Citadelle Laferrière. We were there on Haitian Independence Day and she indicated to me that she feels very connected to her Jewish history through the story of Haiti's experience with slavery, freedom and eventual fight for independence - also the mountain top fortress reminded her of going to Masada and she's a huge fan of Soup Joumou (Haitian squash soup traditionally prepared to celebrate independence). Passover showed me peace and healing and Haiti reminded Jess of the Jewish people's fighting spirit. While being of different ethnic backgrounds and having different histories and cultures, we are doing a great job of finding commonalities in difference - these bonds are just some of the many reasons I love her.

Living with the threat of invasion aiming to re-enslave Haitians, self proclaimed Haitian King Henri Christophe began construction of the fort near Cap-Haitian in the north of what we know as the Republic of Haiti today, in 1805
Jessica and me


The Haitians seized Napoleon's naval vessels docked in the harbors of Cap-Haitian and carried the cannons up the mountain
Cannon balls were cast in the fort. They are still there as an invasion never happened and while Haitians weren't re enslaved, war was still waged against Haiti in ways Haitians could not defend against - via diplomacy and economics. The country never became politically stable, constantly endures natural disasters and does not have a functioning government to effectively manage institutions that should address these issues.

Saturday, March 21, 2020

COVID-19 in the US in 2020

PLEASE READ if you have gotten this far - what we’re all going through is unprecedented and would like to share everything here with you.

March was supposed to be an “out of the office / travel” heavy month for me. I had conferences in San Francisco, San Jose, Las Vegas and I was going to surprise my girlfriend, Jessica, for her birthday by joining her while she was in Austin - she was supposed to accept the SXSW Community Service Award for her non-profit Miracle Messages. I also had team meetings in Ohio. The total opposite is going on right now!

The last two weeks, due to the Coronavirus outbreak, like pretty much everyone else, I’ve been taking precautions and here is a quick timeline:

Monday 3/9/20 was the last day I went into San Francisco and I have not left my neighborhood since - Jessica received an email indicating there was a confirmed COVID-19 case at a place that we both had been so we started working from home and social distancing.

By Monday 3/16/20 San Francisco (where we work), Oakland (where we live) and municipalities in all the surrounding Bay Area counties issued a “Shelter in Place” order taking effect on 3/17/20 and would last until 4/7/20. This was the first “Shelter in Place” order in the country.

On Thursday 3/19/20, the Governor announced a state-wide “Shelter in Place” order.

“We project that roughly 56 percent of our population – 25.5 million people – will be infected with the virus over an eight-week period”, Governor Newsom wrote.

Firstly, I’ll say that I’m WORRIED about, not AFRAID of, the virus. Not that I expected any different, but the lack of leadership at the federal level makes me worried that we as a country are not capable of facing crises like this. I think our elected officials and even every American needs to reflect on how Patriotic they are or are not - my thoughts here may be a good topic of a future blog post.

Jessica and I have been in the house going on two weeks and only leave to get food / supplies. We’ve even been using Doordash and Caviar for meals which provides dashers with, I assume, appreciated cash flow and also feels relatively safe. We’re also making an effort to support some of the neighborhood restaurants and shops during this crisis. These are my go-tos:
  1. Belly
  2. Plenty
  3. Curry Up Now
  4. Fleuret's Market and Spirits
Thanks to all the neighborhood businesses that are able to stay open...will continue to support you!

Of course there are some that can’t stay open and I am especially concerned for barber shops, salons and beauty professionals. Please remember that this is hitting them hard. My barber shop Megah Brown's is the best in the West and my barber Damian has been a great friend over the last few years. Also, my barber in New Jersey is “Big Mike” who was formally in Lawrence, NJ and now in Hamilton. I found his spot after the first epic Hamilton West at Lawrence homecoming football game junior year in high school way back in Fall 2005 (LHS folks remember the dance got rained out!). Mike is hands down the best on the East Coast!

Additionally, I’m so proud that my company Finix is part of this initiative along with our partner, Kabbage! The platform allows small businesses to offer electronic gift certificates to future customers - the aim is that people buy gift certificates now to provide small businesses with short term cash flow then the customers redeem the product or service when the crisis passes. This initiative was even picked up by CNBC. The key move we (Finix) made here is that we (Finix) waived our gateway tokenization fees (here is what tokenization means) and we’re calling upon everyone in the payments ecosystem to do their part to help drop the cost of payment processing for small businesses during this time of crisis.

There are so many people stepping up. While writing this, I learned that my friend Aparna started Pick Me Up Fremont! Folks in Fremont, CA can:
  1. Send an email with a list of grocery items to pickmeupfremont@gmail.com and will receive email confirmation when the order is passed to the grocery store
  2. Finally, pay and pick up at the store when informed that the order is ready
This will help some local grocery stores and also prevent people from being in close proximity with other shoppers for more than ideal under these circumstances. The stores currently participating are:
  1. Coconut Hill
  2. Zam Zam Halal & Supermarket
  3. Namaste Plaza
Jessica has been working tirelessly with her team at Miracle Messages. Ordinarily, they help people experiencing homelessness reconnect with their loved ones through direct street outreach; in the last two weeks, they’ve redirected their efforts to make sure that people experiencing homelessness have the supplies and assistance they need during the COVID outbreak. While the virus affects the broader community, I personally worry about those most vulnerable - Miracle Messages is doing everything they can and their work will greatly help those experiencing homelessness, who are among the nation’s most vulnerable people in this crisis. Bay Area folks, Miracle Messages has a supply coordinating spreadsheet, where you can see what essential items are needed and where.

Through all this, I’ve had some decent time to reflect - Jess has gotten back to painting (photos at the bottom) and I’ve been working on some interesting side projects (dreams). We have been living together since January and this time spent under “shelter in place” has definitely brought us closer. I’m thinking about all my family and friends in New Jersey and in Florida, two places that are being affected quite hard.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions, would like to learn more about what’s going on here, just catch up or reconnect in this time of social distancing. Leave a comment or email me directly at benjamin.jamesq@gmail.com...looking forward to speaking with you!


Painting of a mountain side temple in the Himalayas

Painting of yours truly




Sunday, February 2, 2020

Thoughts on Role Models & Mentorship

Here are a couple real issues that I faced trying to break into competitive industries like tech and finance:
  1. there are very few Black role models, and
  2. mentors weren’t easy to find
Role models help shape a vision/dream and mentors provide tactical advice for navigating life and executing on a vision/dream. As I navigated environments that had few Black role models, mentorship, from wherever I could find it, contributed heavily by keeping me on a path when it was difficult to do so.  I’m not a “big dreamer” -  I’m driven by what I perceive to be real and tangible. Without knowing I had a clear tactical support system in environments where, to me it seemed I didn’t belong, I could have easily reverted back to my comfort zone. As long as these environments are the way they are, more importance should be placed on mentorship broadly speaking - both providing it and seeking it. For example, to me a billion dollar tech startup is possible under a certain set of conditions - conditions that require mentors to help explain. I do not see them as imaginary “unicorns” as my industry calls them, but real tangible possibilities when groups of people tactically support each other in achieving a goal/dream defined by the startup founder(s).

Media portrayals of corporate leaders in both fiction and nonfiction are usually of White men. I assume this a function of:
  1. the inherent fact that there are more White people in the US and thus there are more White people in business, but also 
  2. bias in what the media industry considers as characteristics of “corporate”
There are some Black people at the highest levels of “Corporate America”. If you dig into it and do some research, you’ll find some great role models like Don Thompson, Ray McGuire (I heard there are folks thinking he’s going to run for Mayor of NYC) and the late Bernard Tyson - I hadn’t even heard of Deval Patrick until rumors that he would seek the Democratic nomination in the 2020 Presidential race surfaced in an email distribution list I subscribe to. If he has in fact joined the race, he hasn’t run any ads or appeared in any debates. As a young kid, I was mostly shown images of White men in “Corporate America” on TV and rarely Black people in “Corporate America”, thus a part of me believed that “Corporate America” was for White people.

Ironically, for me, many Black business role models come from the media industry: sectors like TV, music, sports, etc. There is Oprah with Harpo/Own, 50 Cent with his Vitamin Water deal, Dr. Dre with Beats by Dre and late Kobe Bryant with Bryant Seibel. As a kid, I would only see those Black leaders in the media so I would have never looked up to business leaders like Tidjane Thiam, Ken Frazier or Ursula Burns when thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was more likely to use an historical role model like John D. Rockefeller and quite frankly someone like Jack Welch who still has a legacy relevant to “how business is done” today.

“As a society, we often ask ‘Why do we have so few African-American CEOs of Fortune 500 companies?’ And we get answers like ‘racism, Jim Crow, Slavery, and structural inequality.’ Perhaps we should be asking, ‘How in the world did a Black kid from the notorious Chicago housing project Cabrini-Green Gardens become the only African-American CEO of McDonalds” - Ben Horowitz in What you do is who you are

So, there are few Black business role models and even fewer mentors. A role model helps establish a dream and maybe even a goal, but mentors help paths become clear. As a young athlete, the path to the NBA or NFL was simple and clear to me - it starts with interest for the game, then try it out; that interest becomes passion/dedication; then you actually have to show up to play and you best play the game better than pretty much everyone else in the world - sounds straightforward, but being better than nearly everyone else in the world is a very steep uphill battle. The path to succeeding in business is less steep of a hill, but that path up the hill wasn’t as clear to me. Many young kids have big dreams, but it's the mentor systems that guide them from wanting to be a Short Stop on the Yankees to higher education and onto the professional path they want to take. It’s tough to even get on that path, when you’re unaware that the path is available to you - when you aren’t seeing role models in the media or in your own community and don’t have mentors to guide you.

For some personal context on myself (this is my first post!), I grew up in one of the few Black families in a suburban town in New Jersey. My parents split up before I went into kindergarten and my father moved out. He worked in the finance division at AT&T, I believe as a controller - he’s an accountant by trade. My mom is a biochemist by trade and worked in the cosmetics and personal/home care industry. They were definitely my professional role models who helped make “Corporate America” seem like a valid option for me despite the media portrayals I mentioned above. It was clear to me that not many Black people my age had role models like this, granted this close to them. I always thought I’d wear a suit, leave early and come back home late just like them. Ironically, I think they might have even wanted me to be a professional soccer player!!! I had no idea what they did and knew very little about my Dad’s journey from the Bukom neighborhood of Accra, Ghana to New Jersey, and to AT&T or my Mom’s path from Port-au-Prince, Haiti to New Jersey, and to L'Oreal. Never were my parents professional mentors to me - great role models, but they were not mentors. Luckily, up until college, I did have great mentors, first in athletics, then in my K-12 education. I met my first post high school mentor through a part time unpaid internship at a Merrill Lynch branch in New Jersey. My problem was that while I had professional role models in my parents, up until that point, I didn’t have the mentorship to help clarify what skills I needed to be the professional I wanted to be or even what kind of professional I wanted to be.

As a young adult, I frequently saw very astute young Black kids who were getting good grades being selected as mentees by sometimes gang members, and very often their athletic coaches more so than their teachers. Sports and gangs seem to be the environments where mentors are actively selecting Black kids as mentees and even fiercely compete for the privilege of doing so. In youth football and soccer, I had both teammates and opposition that were in gangs and we all always wished that they would just focus on sports (in retrospect, it’s now saddening that we generally never wished that school/academics was the stabilizing force for these kids). There are also quite a bit of volunteer groups who offer their mentorship as charity as well - it's debatable whether they see potential in their young Black mentees or not.

In order for someone to become a mentor, you basically have to demonstrate interest, demonstrate aptitude/skills and finally demonstrate the ability to learn what they do. Once they see this, they pretty much select you as a mentee - you can pick a role model, but you cannot simply pick a mentor. And while you may consider them “your mentor”, they may not actually call themselves “your mentor” - they may just feel connected to you enough to always answer your phone calls, texts and emails whenever you need them to. In the tech startup world, I’ve noticed that when people say they are seeking “mentors” they really mean “board of advisers” or more formally “board of directors” - mentors aren’t necessarily the people who’s picture you’d want on your company’s website, they can be, but it’s not always the case.

Teachers/professors and business people who are focused on whatever it is they are doing, rarely select mentees in general and I’d argue that like myself a lot of young Black students and professionals find it challenging to adapt to these new environments (college and business) without their parents and athletic coaches providing the guidance they once had. To find a mentor you have to go to them and literally follow them around (demonstrate interest) and learn to say things relevant to them (aptitude and learning ability). I didn’t get paid, but at Merrill Lynch, I learned what financial professional role models and professional mentors could be. Here’s what I really remember doing in this internship:
  • Toured the New York Stock Exchange - Ford’s CEO rang the opening bell that day making a Fortune 500 CEO a reality to me not just another “unicorn”
  • Visited Merrill’s old headquarters and met the structured finance team. I didn’t know what structured finance was at the time, but I eventually learned enough to speak to it conceptually and still can if needed. One of my co-interns has worked in structured finance at large global bank since we graduated
  • Visited the Museum of American Finance - I finally saw Hamilton and while watching I thought of this museum because it had two statues recreating the duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton in the main lobby
  • We’d get daily questions in our email like “How was the American banking system started?” - I learned the answer, but back then no one close to me was interested in having a conversation about it until Hamilton came out
  • We had a book list: I read On the Brink: Inside the Race to Stop the Collapse of the Global Financial System and The Quants
  • Took Bloomberg Terminal training courses at Bloomberg’s HQ
I didn’t have a company issued BlackBerry going off all the time and we didn’t do bullshit cold-calling to find this guy new business all day - he became a finance professional role model and exposed me to others. Then he used the internship program to help make a path to a career in finance more clear to me. I realized that there were still skills I could learn and people I could meet that would help me have an impact on the world. I’ve even had conversations with at least one name listed above and prior to the first conversation, I honestly had no idea what to talk to them about. They still saw enough in me to meet in person, even made introductions and we had several other follow up conversations, but by then I was well along my journey in fintech so I’m sure I’m not demonstrating interest in their field.

My aim is not to say that the Black business leaders need to put themselves out there as role models and mentors, everyone can chose to remain private and out of the limelight, but it is to reflect on the fact that I see very few role models that look like me and have no close professional mentors that look like me. It feels like I’m doing things counter to who I am - like I shouldn’t be doing it, like I’m some sort of rebel trying to defy the forces of nature. Henry Kravis’ story got me interested in private equity enough to take a leveraged buyout financial modeling course out of pocket while I was a broke college student, not Robert Smith’s. I think he will go down in Black History as a philanthropist and not as a pioneer in technology sector private equity investing, not for generating returns for limited partners and not for being a "Barbarian at the Gate".

Now that I’ve found my way into fintech, I often get congratulated on my accomplishments. Along my journey, I’ve admittedly learned what not to say by speaking with people and making mistakes. Many of those people probably thought I was an idiot and never talked to me again - I’m still learning what to say as I go and lucky some great people are choosing to be a mentor along the way and letting me make some mistakes. I think in life, you put your best foot forward and hope that you form meaningful connections with people. Every meaningful connection could possibly be a mentor or your mentee - hopefully I will find more!!!

My First Passover Seder

Even though I've learned about Passover, I had never been to a Seder. This week, I attended one for the first time with Jessica’s family...